Two Years

Two years since my last look at this site, but I opened it up last night (inspired by my new journalism exploratory’s need for a blog), and it made me cry.

I have thought of posting, knowing that I will be glad some day to have taken the time to preserve the little moments. But I have also been too keenly aware of how devastatingly fast it is all happening and going, and I have found that I don’t have words or ways to capture it- the bitter-sweetness, the relentlessness, the combination of joy and laughter mingled with the regular angst that fills the days as the boys become young men and the days keep going and don’t stop to let me hold on to them.  And honestly, sometimes, most times, I don’t want to stop and reflect and write it down because it just is too sharp on my heart.

But my soul is softened more when I make myself stop and put it into words now and then. And I will be thankful- both now and later, I suppose. So I’ll try again to post more often.

Two years since my last post. So much has happened and yet a breath.

10 days ago we had a rainy weekend (worth celebrating!), and after church Brian wanted to go see if we could find snow in the Los Padres. Jesse and Liz and the Gardeners came with us and we headed up the 33 to Ojai and to the hills behind. We hadn’t been up there in probably two years and we remembered the first time we went up: to find snow, when the boys were little… img_3154

It was genuinely cold and crisply beautiful, and we all walked out across the bone dry Sespe creek, and out to the Piedra Blancas, the boys and Jesse running ahead, shooting the BB gun, cracking jokes, hiding and climbing and scouting, all still little boys, just in bigger bodies (and with funnier jokes).
My heart was full to the brim. And to top it all off, everyone was happy to take a family picture. And it is my favorite. My heart is full and overflowing.

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